I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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