His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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