I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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