It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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