therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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