but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
