Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
