He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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