GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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