Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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