My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
