Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
