I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
