I want to walk on stilts...naked
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
