Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
