As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
