i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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