I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
