I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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