Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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