I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
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Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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