I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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