i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How naked do you want me to be?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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