And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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