Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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