Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
