Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
