I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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