Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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