my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
