I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
