foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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