Just cropdusted the office
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
