U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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