I am in a vortex of obligation.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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