I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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