I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm always down for nudity.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
