On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
