don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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