Kiss
Puke
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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