I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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