so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
