Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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