Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
