dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
