so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
