I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
