So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
