If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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