Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
