OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
