i wish there were pregnant emoticons
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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