His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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