piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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