you guys were way drunker than both of me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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