She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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