the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
