the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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