I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
