i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
