I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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