You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
