So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
