He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
