My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
