He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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