Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
